After 12 years of her son’s addiction, Janice has peace
Published April 10, 2026
Janice realized she needed more help with her son’s addiction on a family vacation two years ago. She knew he was struggling, but it wasn’t until she saw him in person, saw how thin he had become, that she knew she had to make some calls.
“He was really skinny and not well physically or emotionally – you could tell,” she said. “That night, I didn’t sleep. The worry and fear set in.”
Janice recalls that time as “the worst of the worst” in a 12-year journey, which started when her son was 15.
“Having him that far away in Denver, it was too hard,” she said. “That’s what brought me to Face It TOGETHER.”
Years prior to that trip, Janice came across Face It TOGETHER as she was searching for help online. She searched, “How to deal with addiction,” and discovered there was peer-based help for loved ones like herself.
“I’ve had a lot of counseling before, but there’s something to be said about walking along this with someone who’s actually experienced it,” she said. "You can’t make people understand until they’ve been through it.”
Janice describes peer coaching as a “tool in her toolbox.” She saw counselors, attended support group meetings, leaned on her faith and began working diligently on her own self-care. One of her takeaways was that answers to addiction problems often aren’t black or white.
“I would say things like, ‘He needs treatment. He’s not going to be better unless he has treatment.’ I’d dig in my heels about that,” she said. “What I learned from my coach, Janelle, is most people with addiction stop on their own, but not by themselves. Maybe it’s meds, maybe it’s treatment or counseling. Maybe it’s just extra help and support from loved ones when they’re ready to make a change.”
That “illusion of control” was another important lesson for Janice as a parent.
“Probably the most surprising thing to me about addiction is how powerless we really are as loved ones. As his mom, I thought I had more ability to make him change,” she said.
Janice also learned that change can start with loved ones but often not in the way they expect.
“I think the goal of this whole thing is to take your life back as a loved one. You have to take your life back. What does that look like for you? He’s your son, but you can’t ‘fix’ him,” she said. “Take your life back and start with you.”
By the time Janice was paired with a peer coach, she and her husband had already learned a lot, especially about the importance of boundaries. She found the emotional support she needed from Face It TOGETHER.
“Your other family members can’t get it. They can’t know how it feels to have a kid homeless in Denver with no car, no job, no anything,” she said. “The validation of feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, anger – having my coach be able to walk with me and sometimes challenge me too. That mentorship, you can’t beat that.”
The times Janice was challenged by her peer coach were moments of reflection. One included a small change to her language and mindset: replacing the word ‘but’ with the word ‘and.’
“‘I love him, but he’s this or that’ changed to, ‘I love him, and he drives me crazy,’” she said, laughing. “Two things can be true.”
About a year ago, Janice’s son called and asked for help to move back to Sioux Falls. Janice and her husband agreed, as long as he followed certain steps, like getting a driver’s license and a full-time job. Since then, he’s been self-sufficient.
“He’s in a good place. He works full time and pays his rent,” she said. “He wants to hang out; he wants to come over. We have Sunday suppers. My sister recently said, ‘You’re doing something right, because your adult children want to hang out with you.’”
When Janice thinks about the last 12 years, she’s grateful for the profound changes across her whole family.
“There’s been so much growth in this family through this whole thing, in a good way,” she said. “Even our marriage has become way different. We really did a 180.”
There are times when Janice still falls into “catastrophic thinking,” but she has longer moments of peace that previously didn’t feel possible.
“I have a full life. Mostly, I feel happy and very thankful. I have a much easier time letting go of what is not mine,” she said. “It’s really what I prayed for. It’s not all I prayed for, but it’s a lot of what I prayed for.”
As a registered nurse at an outpatient facility that helps many people with addiction and mental health, Janice sees her son in her patients. She also sees herself.
“Going through this with my son, I have such a better understanding. I find it very rewarding to sit with people who struggle in the very same ways he and I did and do. It’s probably why I now work where I work. I think we all have struggles; some of us are just more aware,” she said. “In my belief system, God promises trials and tribulations, but he also promises to walk alongside us. And through them, there’s always something to learn. I also believe he will use those times of darkness and pain to help us comfort others in the way we were comforted. Just like coach Janelle did for me.”