Pam’s journey in her own words
Published March 6, 2026
Yesterday, we published a story from Pam,* one of our loved one members. Today, we are honored to share her reflection in her own words.
Ah, dealing with addiction! We have learned there are, of course, similarities for all cases of addiction. And yet the circumstances surrounding addiction are wide and varied.
I write from a parental point of view. Never could we have imagined our beautiful, talented, outgoing daughter would later in her life succumb to such a totally unfamiliar (to us) way of dealing with life circumstances. Apparently, she could not seem to rise victoriously above them without the deception of alcohol. Our hearts break for her. She has three wonderful daughters who love her and want her well.
Our journey battling addiction began nearly seven years ago. At least that is when we became aware there was a problem. At first, we did not recognize it was alcohol specifically or realize the significance of the symptoms it was causing. Gradually and painfully, we have watched this precious daughter struggle, not only with alcohol addiction, but with its destructive tentacles of depression, health issues, job terminations and loss of relationship with friends and her beloved family.
We have had to learn the hard way, through experience along the way. In the beginning, we mistakenly thought it could be dealt with and then would disappear, bringing life back to “normal” for everyone. Gradually, as it became apparent how very serious this disease had become, and the personal and family destruction it was causing, we sought professional help in dealing with her specific addiction. Our daughter entered a program, not willfully, but with the ultimatum presented by those who cared and whose lives were being impacted.
She attended a professional, 28-day in-house, highly recommended, expensive, comprehensive program. Upon completion, it was recommended she continue with an intense outpatient program. She then experienced eight days of sobriety but did not follow up with the tools she had been given. As a result, she relapsed and has ever since used that experience as one of the excuses. She says she can do it herself.
As parents, we have tried to understand and help in every way thought possible, particularly with our granddaughters. We have educated ourselves, sought counsel and helped our daughter personally whenever we see her trying to conquer this monster. Alcohol has changed her brain and thus her thinking. She is a totally different person when she is drinking. The amount of alcohol she can drink is astounding. She goes through cycles (we know them well) where she drinks for many days, then tries to come out of it, sick, shaking, unbalanced. She is able to make it a couple days, feels better, and then, because of the addiction, goes back into the cycle all over again. Time after time after time.
We are realizing none of us can fix this for her. We can help and encourage her as much as we can, but we cannot enable her. We exercise boundaries to accomplish this. We can understand now how she became addicted. What we do not understand is her decision not to seek help in conquering it. She must want to be free herself. Even though we have never heard these words from her mouth, we know she is miserable in the state she is in. We know if her brain were thinking correctly, she would covet a way to escape and have the fulfilling life she deserves. And so, we pray and ask the Lord to show His light into her darkness, to set her free from this demonic plague we see in all walks of life for so many unsuspecting people.
So yes, our story has changed since we began this journey many years ago. We have had to become more realistic. We live with alcoholism in our family and have had to adjust accordingly. It is sad and hurtful, for our daughter, for our precious granddaughters, and for us. We’ve had to seek relief from misguided guilt, stress, and caregiving boundaries for our health as well.
Will we make it? Yes. Is it the way we thought our older years would be? No. Do we unconditionally love our daughter? Absolutely, and we will walk this walk with her. Our faith remains and we are praying and believing for the best. We also know we cannot do it ourselves, or it would have been done long ago.
*We’ve changed Pam's name and omitted details to protect her family’s privacy.